what are we building, exactly? 🔨

We're collectively in a "goo era" — when the caterpillar turns to literal goo in the cocoon before it becomes a butterfly. This phase is inevitable, but what we build next is up to us.

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 What are we building exactly?

To answer this question, I'm going to tell you a little bit about my story. And if you've seen me on the internet, this is the part you don't know.

If you've followed me for a while, you see me as contractor, designer, DIY queen, who tackles epic home projects solo. I've built an amazing following. and an incredible community.

But all the while, while I was doing and creating and making, a secret part of me was unraveling behind the scenes.

It started long ago, but came to me consciously shortly after I moved to New Jersey in 2022. I thought I would take my career to the next level: get a project house and I would just be doing endless projects and go up and up and up. The irony is that I was moving into a space of deep introspection.

Everything absolutely unraveled, but in a way that it needed to.

I had built something really incredible, but I had built it on an unstable foundation. And in order to correct that, the whole thing had to come toppling down.

This is what people in the spiritual community might call an ego death. There are also so many other myths and legends about this from Persephone going to the underworld, to the part of a hero's journey when it seems like nothing's gonna work out and they've failed, the moment in the movie when it feels like the villain won.

This trope is everywhere, but I never thought it would show up so strongly in my own life. So the secret part of me that has been unraveling is learning to get in touch with my inner intuition. I was raised religious, so I spent a long time deconstructing a lot of pain that was caused by the church. I stepped completely away from religion for a while as I was in the world of business and finance in a male dominated field.

I was forced to be in my masculine energy, being logical, being reasonable, making decisions off of what I could see.

But there was a deeper pull that I was kind of ignoring, to be honest.

Intuition is inherently illogical. It's a deeper kind of reasoning that doesn't follow the same pattern of your mind. It's intertwined with emotions and your heart, and it often can't be explained.

And so when you were in a space like I was, where you were in your masculine energy, you were working, you were building, you were working off of what the world had told you to do, and trying to build your own creative path in that way, intuition kind of catches you off guard.

You don't want to trust it. It doesn't make sense, and it doesn't feel comfortable. I was forced to trust it

The funny part of this story is that I think the universe gives you clues before you even realize what's happening. So when I first moved to this house, the first project I tackled was in the backyard. I was building a deck for Home Depot and was one of my biggest contracts yet. I was so excited. I felt so aligned to be doing this project.

While I'm building this deck, there was a pond — the Koi Pond. And there was a ginormous frog on the edge of the pond. For literally two days, I did not see it move one time. So I'm building this deck right next to it using power tools, carrying things in and out. I didn't even see it blink once. So I honestly thought it was like a lawn ornament.

It looked too big and ridiculous and surreal to even be real and then one day I decided to throw a rock at it. Throwing a tiny stone near it to splash the water and see if it moved…and it did.